whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
