dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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