You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
