i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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