sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
