I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
