come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
