I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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