Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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