whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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