But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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