I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
