Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
