I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
