just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
