It's Friday. Sex?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
