If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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