some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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