you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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