physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
