I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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