I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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