It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We need to get me chipped asap
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize