I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
