I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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