i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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