I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize