so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
