So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
