FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
