it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
