Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize