I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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