Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
