Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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