I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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