I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
