After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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