so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
OPIZZABONMYDICK
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
