god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
