She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
