And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
