RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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