I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize