Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
