in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
