Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
