We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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