I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
people are starting to question the shark bite story
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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