The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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