Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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