no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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