The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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