i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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