he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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