I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
