My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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