i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
