420 ftw
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
