I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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