You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
3 2 1 whiskey
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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