btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
