good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found your dick twin last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
