I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
