Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
