I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
