Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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