Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Two words: nipple clamps
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