I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize