i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
