Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
