I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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