First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
