i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
