I wanna bring you to show and tell
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
