4 words: hood of his car
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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