Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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