soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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