Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
