Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
