Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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