god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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