He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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