im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
