So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
