I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I forget how to act sober
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
