you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
