I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize