I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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