i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
