I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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