Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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