I'm really into asian looking animals
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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