apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
