Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
