I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
