Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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