I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
