I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
