3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
