Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
