Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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