A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
