You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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