You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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