I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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