The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm both gender and math confused
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
