I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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