I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize