tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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