you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
