After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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