i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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